I just can't stop loving you : )

So I found this boy and discovered a couple of weeks ago that I'm in love with and I still can't believe how perfect things are. I never thought that I was going to find such a perfect guy, unbelievable but true. He's the sweetest and cutest boy I've ever met. He's always making me laugh and telling me such beautiful things. He's like my prince charming, such a perfect gentleman. I can't describe with words this feelings that I have for him and how much I am in love with him. I'm thinking about him like twenty four/seven. When he's not around I miss him like he can't imagine. When I know that I'm going to see him I feel so nervous because time passes so slow, and when I finally have him in front of me I feel like a thousand butterflies in my stomach. When I have him close to me I want to hug him all the time, and when he kisses me I feel like I'm going to faint. I can stay looking into his eyes like the whole day and I wouldn't be tired. I never felt this for nobody. I feel that he's the one, I love him like I've never loved before. This kind of love is so new to me and so beautiful. I feel like I could spend my whole life with him, just talking and laughing or laying in bed in silence just listening to his heart beats. That kind of moments are the moments where I discover why he gots me so in love, because of the simple things he gives me without even knowing. So he needs to know how much I love him and how lucky I feel to have someone like him in my life. You are the one who makes me the happiest girl in the whole world, I have a smile in my face every day because of you, so thank you for everything you have done and still do for me, for giving me these wonderful feelings, for making me feel so special but most of all thank you for loving me the way you do sweetie. You rock my world every single day.

I love you more love, always : )

This is it movie is not really it !.

I went to watch Michael Jackson's this is it movie twice so far, the first time I went the premiere day and then three days later. I can't explain with words what I felt while I was sitting in the theater watching the movie. I saw the greatest entertainer in the world doing what he most enjoyed to do, singing, dancing, teaching and spreading love for all of those people who were working with him at that time and the other millions and millions of people who were watching the movie as I did. I cried the whole movie, because watching him there dancing and singing made me realized again how much talent we lost and what is worse, made me realized again that he's no longer here on Earth with us and that we're no longer able to watch him dancing and singing live anymore except on the concerts's dvds and videos but at the same time watching him dancing and singing made me want to jump up and start to dance. I sang the whole movie, every song. I was amazed as I always am evey time I watch him performing live. He has an special effect over people, and of course over me. He has the ability of makes me believe and feel what he's singing and makes me feel the stenght of his steps, it's amazing because I feel that I feel what he feels when he sings and dances. And in the movie he talks about how he feels about the enviroment problems and how we need to realize how important is to save our planet and help people, and I love that part of the movie, because is so Michael, always wanting to help to heal our world and trying to teach us that we can do it if we really want it. What more can I say about the movie ?. For me as an Michael Jackson admirer is perfect and as some random people is a movie that I will certainly enjoy to watch. So this is it is not really it, because everytime somebody watch the movie besides to enjoy Michael's perfect and greatest singing and dancing, will end up with his mind a little bit open and I think that realize how important is to save our planet and heal our world.
I love you more my beloved king, always !.

I can't stop missing you !.

Today it's been four months since your body is no longer here, on Earth with us, and I can't stop crying and being sad. I can feel the emptiness that there's in the world without you, the lack of music innovation, the lack of greatness and humility, the lack of the will to help other people and try to make the world a better place, but most of all I can feel the lack of love, that love that you preach just with your smile. That smile that now is gone, and only we're going to be able to see it again in heaven, because that's where you are right now, that's where you deserve to be. Though your body is no longer here on Earth, I can feel your spirit. I know that when I'm listening to your songs, it doesn't matter if I'm on the bus, on the train or just leaning on bed, you're with me, sitting next to me or leaning next to me, listening to them and if the song isn't perfect enough to you, you're thinking what could you possibly have done to make them better or if the song is perfect enough, you're just listening to it and enjoying your wonderful work. I'm not able to express with words how much I miss you, and how much you mean to me. When somebody tells me something about your trials, how your skin have changed or your eccentricities, it doesn't matter to me if it's something good or not, I can't help get mad and start to cry. I'm not able to control it. I know this is a wound it's not going to heal, not now, not in a couple of months and not in a thousand years, my heart will be broken for the rest of my life. Most of the times when I'm walking alone or traveling by any means of transport, with my ipod, listening to your songs, I look up the sky and pray, hoping that wherever you're, you're okay, and happy, doing what you most like to do, sing, dance and help, specially help. To me, you're the best thing that could have happened to the world, I'm sure, without doubts that without you the world would not have been the same. You're my inspiriation, my teacher, my hero, my favorite person in the whole world. Nobody will be able to do what you have done, not now, not in a millions years. You're the best in everything you've done. You're larger than life. You're the king, and no one, never will change that. Thank you for your music, for your dances, for helping people and try to make the world a better place. But most of all, thank you for taught me how to be a better person, how to make a better world with tiny things. Keep leading me to the right way, and keep making me do the right things. Together, with the rest of the people who share our beliefs, we'll change the world, I know it. So this is not it, this is just the begging, with you leading us from up above. My heart is yours, it always was. You will always be my king.
I love you more, everyday of my life.

Dangerously in love !.

Yesterday I was talking with the boy I'm into, and we were talking about how analyzing I'm with people and that I've like a sixth sense with the people I know. I can tell when someone is being real and when it's not, I know when someone is lying to me, I just know it and this sixth sense I have was always right. So he asked me what my sixth sense was telling me about him and I answered my sixth sense can't be objective with you because you have me completely in love. When I realized what I have told him, I couldn't believe it, I was like amazed, I just wasn't able to say anything more or to have a reaction. I just stayed still, in front of the computer, trying to think what to say, but I wasn't able to think at all. I have no regrets about what I have said to him, because it's actually the truth. But maybe it wasn't the right time to tell something like that, because I don't know what his feelings are and I don't want to that he just get scared and run away, just because I told him that he has me completely in love. I was so mad, not at him, at me because of what I have said to him. I hate how silly I can be when I'm into someone. I'm so impulsive that I can't just have my mouth shut. I've to learn how to be less impulsive and more thinkable. But I can't be thinkable with him, because the feelings that I'm having for him I have never had them for nobody, but that's another story. So I'm going to get over what I have said and move on and of course I'm admitting that he gets me completely in love, or shall I say dangerously in love ?.

Just like in a movie !

Yesterday was the day where I had to see him after our Saturday's talk, I can say without doubts that I was really nervous, because I didn't know how things would be. So I called him when I was arriving at the bar and he offered to wait for me outisde the bar. I was walking down the street when I saw him, there he was, waiting for me, a thousand thoughts came up to my head and a thousand butterflies came with the thoughts. But my main thought was ¿ how am I going to say hello to him ?, but all my thoughts were worthless when he came to me and kissed me. I was like, Oh my God, I never thought he was going to do something like that, and I have to say that I loved it. It was the kind of attitude that I wasn't expecting, he took me by surprise, he showed me with that move how confident he is and I love confident boys, that was a rockstar attitude as a friend have said to me earlier today. We get in to the bar, and we were talking about some random girl's stuff, I was with three friends, one of her boyfriends and a boyfriend's friend and he was with two of his friends. He put his hands around my weist from time to time, while I was talking to my friends and he was talking to his friends, it was like if we were in two different worlds but still connected, just because of his hand around my weist. At a moment he came up to me and stood still in front of me and kissed me, it was our second kiss, and it was like if all the noise, the music and the people who was there with us would have disappeared, I didn't feel anyone but us, kissing each other, it was like if the whole world have disappeared at the time that he started to look at me and kissing me. It was one of the best feelings that I've ever experienced and it's funny because, never happened to me something like this, I never felt this world disappear thing. We stayed for a couple of hours at the bar and then we left. We went to a gas station, I bought a coke that he didn't allow me to pay and my Cosmopolitan, when he saw the magazine, he started to laugh and said to me ''Why did you have to buy a magazine'', I wanted to buy Vogue magazine too but he didn't allow me to do it, it was a really funny moment. We stayed at the gas station while I was finishing my coke, and started to talk about different things, very random things, we talked about movies, college, music, life in general and other stuff, and while we were talking there were some moments where I looked at him and thought by myself ''I can't believe that we're here, together''. We laughed a lot, he's always making me laughed, all the time, and that's something that I really love about him. We were there and I felt like I didn't wanted to leave, I just wanted to stay there with him, talking and laughing. I can say that the whole night felt so right, it was so perfect and spontaneous that I didn't wanted to get to the end. It was like if we were in a movie, a love movie, our movie and I loved it. I loved every single part of this mini movie, my new favorite one.

Is this it ?.

I'm laying in bed listening to heaven can wait and I can't help but looking at the sky through my window and cry. I listened to this is it, the new Michael Jackson's song, and it broke my already broken heart. I know it is a love song, but the name is what kills me. I was trying to find all positive things about this song but I couldn't. I can't help having mixed feelings about this song. When I listened to this is it I loved it, I still do, is a beautiful song, his voice is great, the lyric too and you can feel what he felt while he was recording it, but every time I heard the chorus made me realized that this is really it. We'll have this upcoming cd and the movie and that's it, and I hated it. I can't accept that this is it, I can't get use to live in a world where I won't hear any more new songs from MJ. I know this is a song that he didn't want to be release and sony did it anyways, I hate sony for released it against Mj's will, but at the same time though I hate sony, I'm glad to have heard it, because I really, really needed it. I needed something new from him, though it's not a new song, but I don't care, for me it's new because I've just heard it. Anyways, I can't hel being sad and think about it over and over again, this song is stuck in my head. I know that this is not it, because though his body is no longer with us, I can feel his spirit here on earth. He's here someway, and I hope I really hope the movie makes him proud and these upcoming things like the double cd and the book make him feel proud too. But What I hope the most is that we'll be able to make him proud with our actions, and with our tries to keep healing our world and to keep helping the people and the children who really need it the most. So I'll finish it saying that This is not it, and this will never be it, at least not for me and for my MJ's fans friends. I know I'll keep on rocking with you, because you rock my world every day of my life. Allow me to finish this post with this MJ's song quote ''Though we are far away, I am here to stay. For you are not alone, for I am here with you, Though we're far apart you are always in my heart'', and you will always be.

I'll miss you and I'll love you more every single day of my life.

How would you call that ?.

It's been like a year and a half since I broke up with my ex boyfriend, and I never was with anybody, not a single boy until three weeks ago. So there's this guy, that I keep thinking about. We go to the same college, but not to the same classes. He's really something. He has this great personality, he's really nice and talkative with everybody, and he's always laughing and making jokes. Every time I see him we laughed a lot, he's always making me laugh and that's something I really like about him. I'm not sure if we have a lot of things in common or not, because it's been like three weeks since I know him, but so far I like what I know. I really enjoy the time we spent together, and when the time is up I think ''I wish to have more time to spend with you'' and since the break up no one could made me think like that but him. He's like a mix of boys but in a boy. He studies, he's responsible, funny, enjoys to spend time with his friends and go out and have fun, is someone you can talk to, and he plays in a band. I don't know what band is, never listen to it, but the thought of that makes me think like he's a bad boy or rebel boy and I have like a weakness for those kind of boys. But it's not that either what leaves me thinking about him. He has something that I still couldn't figure it out and that's what leaves me thinking. He has this ability, this kind of mystery that I really like. I don't think he likes me because I'm not his type, I think he likes a different kind of girl, more like him, more heavy metal type. But I can't avoid this feeling, I can't help wanting to see him and spend time with him. There were a couple of times when we get a little bit close and I had to watch to the other way because I couldn't help wanting to kiss him and it's not the first time. There are times when I see him right to his eyes and I think ''I just want to kiss you'', when he touches me or hugs me I feel like doing the same but I'm too shy I think, so I just see his eyes and laugh. So how should I call this ?. It's not love but it's not a passenger thing either. I think I'll go with the flow and see where it leads me.

Things have changed : )

A week ago on a rainy Sunday day I received a text message from my best friend asking me if I want to do something with him, I said ''Yeah, of course. We can watch a movie. Come to my home at 4:00 pm''. He came and we went to blockbuster to rent something and to the supermarket to buy something to eat. So we rent push and bought to make brownies and pop corns, coca-cola and some candies. We came back home, made the brownies and the pop corns and started to watch the movie, there were parts that I didn't understand so I heard his voice explaining to me the part and I looked at him and asked ''How did you know that I didn't understand that part of the movie ?'' and he answered me ''Well I know you''. I laughed so hard, because he was right. I can say without doubts that that was one of the best days we've spent together. We made jokes, laughed a lot, and talk about everything. When he left my house, I was so happy because I realized that my best friend was here again. There were no uncomfortable feelings, we weren't to strangers anymore. We were who we used to be, when he hadn't a girlfriend. And the days went by and I can say without doubts that things went back to normal. And I can't help but being happy because I really missed my best friend. So I can say that we're going to be friend's forever and we're going to be able to face whatever.

Janet's great Mtv vma's perfomance,

I have no words to explain how much I loved Janet's performance. While I was watching it, I could feel her efforts to make Michael feels proud of her, and she did it, she made him feel prouder than he already is. She did it great. I felt every step and every word that she said while she was singing. Her faces in every step were just wonderful. But THE moment was when she started to dance next to him, I felt that Michael was alive, sawing them dancing together was amazing. I couldn't help crying, it was so emotional. And when she finished and look up at the sky, as if she was waiting for his approbation, that broke my heart. We all was able to watch how painful she is, and was at that time and how much she wanted to cry but she stayed strong. We was able to watch how much love and respect she has for him. I really admire her and her strength. Nobody could ever made a better tribute than the one she did. It was short but it had everything that a tribute must have. And who better than his sister to honor his memory ?. Janet definitely rocked the vma's, and made us cry. She was the best of the night. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I did and continue doing.

Madonna's Mtv vma's speech.

I saw Madonna's speech yesterday and I don't want to sound like a bitch or a hater because I'm not, but every word she said made me feel angrier than the last one. When she finished the speech I had mixed feelings, I felt pain, sadness but most of all I felt angriness. I'm not saying that it was a bad speech, because it wasn't, but for my point of view it wasn't a very good speech either. I felt that she talked about her a lot, she made all this pointless comparisons, and she didn't tell me something that I didn't know. I think that she didn't realize that the speech must be about Michael and not about herself. But that wasn't what made me feel angry, the things that really made me feel angriness were when she started to say that everyone including her have abandoned Michael, that you don't know what you have until you lose it, how great he was and stuff like that. I don't want to hear it, I'm sick of hear it and every time I hear it I get sicker. I don't want to listen to it right now, now there's nothing we can do about it, we can't bring him back from death and now as kind as Madonna's words sounded are useless. I really appreciate what Madonna tried to do, but honestly I don't care and it's not because was Madonna who said it, I won't care even if The Holy Pope would said it, and the reasons is because all of those people had plenty time to realize how great Michael was as an entertainer but mostly as a human being and they didn't. So I wonder why did they need Michael's death to realized how great he was in life ?, it's not fair, because the people who's saying how great he was right now is the same people who said all that lies and judged him. And that's what made me feel sick and angry. That fake people. I'm not saying that Madonna is a fake, because she's not, but she's not as great as everyone thinks she is because of her speech. I respect her and her music and I respect everyones opinion, but for me it wasn't that special. Anyways I'll focus on the positive for a minute and I'm going to give her some points because she had the best intentions. I'm sorry if I sound disrespectful or kinda bitch, but I can't help saying what I think about it.

Friends forever ... Face whatever ?.

Today I had my bff's birthday party but it wasn't what it should be. I have to say that my bff is a boy, he's one of my closest friends since we both had sixteen years old, now I have twenty one and he has twenty two. We have the best of the friendships that someone could ever wanted to have, we know each other so well, we have the same interests and think the same way, when we're together most part of the time we spend it laughing. I love to spend my time with him or used to 'cause now we have a problem, he has a girlfriend since August of 2008. I don't have anything against her but apparently she has something against me. She doesn't allow him to speak with me or to spend time with me, he does it anyways but it's not he same, we don't have the same friendship and it husrts so bad. Now everytime we went out there are certain things that we can't do like take photographs holding each other or gives us a hug, thing that we usually did. We have boundaries now and I don't like it. And today we were like two strangers. Every time he came closer to me there she was, watching us, watching what we were doing, we couldn't took more than two photographs together, 'cause there she was doing that face like ''stay away from her''. It was so uncomfortable and painful. I was and am so mad with him and I even thought about just don't talk to him anymore but why should I do that he's my best friend I can't do that, I love him so much, I can't stay away from him. He's my best friend why should I stay away ?, I can't find a reason, it's not fair. She has to learn that we were friends before she was his girlfriend and she has to accept it. Just stop to put him boundaries, you're not his mother or anything like that. I can't stand that kind of people. If you really love someone you want the best for that person and friends are one of the most important things in everyone's life, you can't choose his friends or take friends out of his life just like that. It's all about trust and if you do that you're not trusting in that person, so why are you with someone you don't trust, it's crazy. I'm so mad and hurt right now. Mad because of her actions and her requests and hurt because the change of our relationship. I'm not asking her to like me or talk to me like if we were friends, 'cause I don't need anymore friends but to respect me as his boyfriend's friend, just like I respect her. I think it's not something impossible to do.

Never can say goodbye !.

Today was the day that they put you to rest in peace. I have to say it was one of the worse days of my life. I 'm not able to find the right things to say right now, I feel so overwhelmed by pain and sadness. I try to understand why God decided that it was your time to go with him and I can't find an answer, but it was his choice and I know I have to respect it. I believe so much in him, I never give up on him but there are times that I just wonder why he always decides to take the good people, I don't see it fair, but I guess he knows what he's doing and I'm going to respect it as I always did. To me you are more than an icon, more than an entertainer, more than a humanitarian. To me you are my long distance friend, my inspiration, my hero. Every time I am in some kind of trouble I listen to your songs or read some of your interviews and I find the answer to move on. You are the strength that keeps me on my feet when I think that my world is falling apart. You are the one that keeps me smiling even in my saddest days. I just have to think of you, listen to one of your songs or watch one of your dvd's tours and that's all I need to smile again, not more not less, just that. I never can thank you enough for everything you did and still do for me, for all of your fans and for all of the children and people in the whole world. I'm not going to say goodbye to you because though your body is no longer in this world with us I know your spirit and your soul is, I feel it, so you are with me somehow, leading me and making me to take the right choises. I will always believe in you, you will continue to inspiring me from heaven and I know that someday we will see us, and I will be able to tell you how much you mean to me. I will think about you every day of my life until God decides to take me with him. You will always be The King, not only of entertainment, not only of music, not only of humanitarians, but of my heart. Your soul is in heaven since June 25th and now your body can rest in peace. Long live to you my beloved king. I will always miss you.
I love you more, I will always do.

King of my heart.

Without you music won't be music. You were an innovator in everything you've done, a perfectionist, a passionate of what you did. Though you are the best entertainer and dancer of all times, you were a great humanitarian, always helped people who needed it the most, giving millions of dollars to charity or with a kind word trying to give them hope so they could move on trough that hard time. Through your songs you tried to make us understand that there's a better world, that with one little change we can make a big difference. That no one has the right to judge nobody. That every person is special in their own way. That if you want some respect from others you have to show them respect first. And that no one can change at least they have changed in his heart first. I have no words to say how much you inspire me. You made me realized that there's no better feeling that when you help a person without asking for anything in change. I know you're leading me to take the right way and helping me to make things right. I'm sure you're in the best place, because that's what you deserve. Now you can rest in peace, the can't hurt you anymore. You will always be the king and your music and everything you have done will forever live in our memory. You try your best to heal the world and you did it somehow. I admire you and miss you always. Rest in peace.
I love you more !.